Gunners, fucking forget what I said before. Fuck the warning shots. That old goat isn't just going to let us leave no matter what, so we're going in loaded for bear right from the fucking start!
Helm, don't fall asleep at the fucking wheel! The Vickey's come back and she brought a friend this time. Keep us moving so that one of them's between us and the other!
Forward gunners, load up with some Incendiary Scattershot rounds for the warning shot. It won't do shit to them, but it's flashy as hell, and if we're lucky they'll just give up right there. If they don't, switch over to the real thing and give them hell!
Engine room, keep that shit running hot, I want to be on top of them before they even know we're coming. Navigation, tell me if you spot any weather or rock formations we can use as cover.
Let's kill the fuckers! YA-HA!
Oh shut up and stop being A little girl
Ahhhh, no, don't push it in--AHHHH!
Shut up!!! Nnnrg! You know you like it!
[OOC: Yes, Hiruma took all the voice recording they've been publishing and did a quick edit job on them.]
[Filtered to Reno]
Hang your fucking head in shame, that was pathetic. I could have flown better than that. At least there was someone else there to cover for you.
[Public]
I wonder where Ivona's vaunted pilots are in the race standings! Well, let's see here...oh look, nowhere! Not that we should be surprised that a bunch of fartsucking layabout jerkoffs like them can't fly worth a shit. I'm amazed they even made it off the ground!
Remember, don't wreck the planes completely: just fuck with their lines and loosen some bolts. We want them to get through pre-flight without anybody noticing. And don't fucking touch Eyeshield's plane.
THINGS IVONA ARE GOOD AT:
- Sucking
- Losing in chases
- Having sex with their sisters
THINGS IVONA ARE TERRIBLE AT:
- Flying
- Gunning
- Self-control
- not hiring stupid Fucking Dreads
- Having sex with anybody not their sisters
I look forward to the races! I wonder how many Ivonian pilots will not crash this time!
A: Three. One to kill the president, one to break the clock, and one to bring the whole fucking shambles down.
Thank you ladies and gentlemen, I'll be here all night.
[Private | Voice | Unhackable]
FUCK
And now that she thinks that she's found the asshole who's been fucking around with her personal life, her fucking guard's going to go down again! All my hard work for fucking nothing
Oh well. I'll just have to dick around with her secrets some more once Billy Bob or whatever his fucking name is is gone.
[Filtered to the 4423 | Unhackable]
Will you pansies quit your bitching? Getting sent to Ivona is a good thing. Yeah, sure, they want us dead, but after Doma we're a fucking liability to Vohemar. In Ivona at least there's an open court process. There's cogs that can be greased, evidence that can be confused. If nothing else, it at least takes time.
If Vohemar decided to just get rid of us themselves, they'd more or less just take us out to the cornfield and shoot us. Shit, they wouldn't even waste a bullet, they'd just make us dig our own graves and then smack us with the shovel when we were done.
Stop pissing and moaning. You just got handed the best chance at a reprieve you're ever going to get.
Oh, and STOP FUCKING WHINING WHEN PEOPLE CALL US MURDERING PIRATES. That's what the fuck we ARE. If people think we're a bunch of fucking humanitarians, OUR JOB BECOMES A LOT HARDER. That job being pirating, because it's always way easier to pirate when we can just scare them into surrendering!
Short version: We're fucked.
Long version: We're fucked up the ass with splintery rake handles, and the Vohemaro government is shoving it in deeper. I just got off the line with some of my contacts, and it's the same story with all of them: Everybody's running around like a womanizer with his cock chopped off, and we're the perfect scapegoats right now. At the very least they're going to do an 'investigation', and there's apparently serious talk of just tossing us to the wolves to save their public image.
We can't go to anywhere in Vohemar without dealing with this, I don't think any Badlands towns would take us, and Ivonan cities are right out of the fucking question. We could go off-continent again to lay low, but that just makes us look guilty, and I don't think anyone's eager to do that again.
We're fucked.
Business.
Anybody need Demi-human papers? I can...provide them for you. For a modest fee. Less than the government asks for, naturally.
I'll just need ten minutes when we next hit port to get a copy of the real deal. Then I can start production.
Who's in, eh? Cough up, you fucking bastards!
I can't fucking wait for her to see what I'm going to do with that photo.
The whole goddamned island is shaking like a bunk with honeymooners on speed in it! Get the fuck back to the ship, you fucking dumbasses!
Wasn't a total waste of time, though! I did find this fucking photograph hidden in her desk drawers, under a ton of stuff. Boring-looking kid. Must be that 'brother' those fucking scammmers were talking about, especially since that's her standing next to him. For fuck's sake, she hasn't changed at all. It's fucking eerie, in a flatchested kind of way.
Nothing else interesting, but keke, that's enough. I've got a copy of the picture, I'll have some fun with that when we get back to the mainland...and I can't fucking wait for her to get back to her cabin and see that photo sitting on her desk, out in the open. She's going to flip her shit, and I'm going to enjoy every fucking second of it.
[OOC: Yes, Hiruma broke into Isako's cabin while she was off doing shit on the island. He found a photo of her brother (which she keeps hidden away) and is now wreaking havoc, Hiruma-style]
Except for Captain Jailbait.
WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON
They've barely even set down, it can't be those fucks on the Victoria. Besides, from the sound of things they're getting blown up too...
FUCK! They must have been put on us back in Kropmork. That's the only time both ships were in the same place.
Search the ship! Both ships, actually, since the Winding Way was in Kropmork, too. Top to bottom, find these damn things and get rid of them! From the Fucking Admiral's post it seems like they beep before they blow so if you find something that's beeping, throw it overboard or at least move it somewhere it's not going to damage anything important. If you can find a way to defuse them do so but DON'T RISK YOURSELVES.
The one good thing about this is that it sounds like the Ivonans are having the same problem. Any randomness added to a system always benefits those at a disadvantage.
We know where they're coming from now, so it's time to make sure their trip here is as unpleasant as possible. We don't have a goddamned lot of time, so we can't just rig up the whole field with traps like I'd like...so we're going to be a bit more clever about it, instead. I'm going to come around and tell you where to build and how. Rig up the area you're assigned with a few traps, and mark them with a red flag so our Ivona friends know where to find them. Then, plant red flags all over the area, making hundreds of fake traps. The point here isn't to hurt them with the traps so much as it is to slow them down so we can hit them with our guns.
We're going to want as many traps as possible towards the end of the field they have to start on, so that they get the idea soon: stepping near a red flag could mean something nasty. They'll have to carefully tiptoe across the field after that, and then we get to have our fun.
What the fuck are you doing still reading this? GET TO WORK! Who knows when they'll show up?
Shit! Anyone and everyone not involved in getting us back up in the air, I want to see you outside constructing some fucking defenses. Dig some trenches, pile up some sandbags, I don't fucking care just get us some cover. Unless the Victoria II has the worst fucking navigator and helmsman in Reial, the odds of us getting airborne before they arrive are slim to none.
I want any and all maps of the area in front of me this fucking instant. Gunners, sound off: are any of the boomsticks working? What sort of range of fire do we have? Fucking talk to me, people!
If anyone's in dire need to travel papers and can't get them, talk to me. I can
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